The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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