Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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