Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
