I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
