im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
