Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
