I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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