Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
