my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
