I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
