He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
