Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
