just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
