So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
