He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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