Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
