Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
