We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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