She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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