Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
