so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
