I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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