Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
