It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
