Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
