I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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