toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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