u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize