the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We had sex on a dog bed..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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