Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
