I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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