Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
