Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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