Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
