It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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