I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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