perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
