if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
