I just made out with a guy for $7.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
