But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
