I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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