It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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