Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
