There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
