porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
