we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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