Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
