you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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