Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize