you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
