Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
