I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
