Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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