I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
