After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
