i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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