Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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