ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
