3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
