you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
