Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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